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Satire, Social Injustice, and other commentary.
What's In A Name? Hello. My name is Andrew Martin Leite, and it is a pleasure to be writing for you today. What's your name? If you happen to be the offspring of Hollywood actor Jason Lee, star of the hit sitcom My Name Is Earl, I can only assume
As I pondered and mulled over tonight's topic, I found myself at a total and complete loss of words. I couldn't, for the life of me, think of anything noteworthy to discuss. I was absolutely stuck, tapping my pen against my cheek for the hundredth
Good evening, Friends. As I was perusing a well-known, beloved online encyclopedia tonight, expanding my Gray Matter, I happened to come across an interesting tidbit of information. Have you, reader, ever heard of "Generation X"? I would place bets
Belay on! my partner informs me, as I begin to tie into the climbing rope, which will be my umbilical cord for the next hour--assuming I last that long. I check all of the straps and buckles on my harness, and glance over those on my belayer as we
and sexless Moms are, at least partially, on the way out. You know the sexless Moms I'm talking about. They wear boxy V-necks over button-shirts with doily-collars, or pink-tan sweaters hanging hip-length over baggy pants. They have faces you'l
by Sara Hynes After my accident last week brought my life as I know it to a screeching halt I resolved myself to a nice long ride on the wagon. If I kept going at the rate I have been for the past...oh...10 years or so...I'd end up permanently in th
By Greg Barton Some of the best road trips are a golf outing with your boys. If it's the usual four day golf orgy then consider playing high end golf with caddies. Today four merry men are on their way to a ritzy golf course. Inside the caddie shack
Well, Friends, my car is broken. Not just a little broken, either. Real broken. Broken worse than any window or any sports fan's spirit after his team's big Loss. What began this morning as a punctured tire escalated into an astounding One-Thousa
Hopefully you can all forgive the foul mood I find myself in tonight. In my sleep-deprived state, I truly have no ambition to be at the Office, or even writing, for that matter. I remember a day, back when times were simpler and some of my greatest
There are countless books written on how to lead a happy, joyful, loving life. But where do you go if you choose to be miserable? Look no further dear reader, for this article will provide you with the steps needs to be completely unhappy for the res
By Gareth Pike My neighbours often ask why I don't have any pets, considering I love animals so much. Usually I just fob them off with a vague comment like I'm still looking into it - but the real reason is more involved and rather tragic. Here's
This book is an excellent introduction the Taoist philosphy and religion. It mixes story telling with the typical, hard-to-get-through philisophical discussions. It is simple, easy to follow, and resounding. In essence, it follows it's own advice.
By Lloyd Hudson Frye You in the white Celica, pull over! The anger in the loud speaker was unmistakable. I hadn't been watching the traffic around me. Too much on my mind. I was heading home after another hour-long interview, where the hiring m
Many months ago, I wrote a story called "Grease Frightening". It was published here in 4 parts, with a promised 5th part to come. If you never read it, click here now. However, some of you who DID read it noticed that the 5th installment was neve
How to Kill a Bear: A Beginner's Guide Difficulty: Don't try this at home Materiels: -A large stick or pole)...for poking -A knife (Rambo style is preferred)...for poking -Bear Mace - will be discussed later -If available, a gun of some sort (shot
There's something so American about John. He's been my roommate for several months now, and from studying his habits I've learned what it truly means to be American. It's not that he's particularly interesting, but more so that I can't help but not
With the usage of writing and implementation of all that is associated with it, life became a lot less fun. You are no doubt familiar with the saying ignorance is bliss? Well, this is the time period that it came from. The first form of writing
With a proud flourish, my Italian host mom placed in front of me on the dinner table a massive block of Parmesan. Confused, I looked up at her questioningly. Was this dinner? As she bustled back into the kitchen, I squirmed in my seat to try to lo
Prehistory is defined as the period before written word, before events were recorded, and before cave-children had to tote around thirty pounds of text-books in their back-packs. The good ol' days of human civilization are certainly old, but they
How can you have Christmas spirit when it's so sunny out? a skeptical Minnesotan asked me recently. That's a question often posed to us Californians by people who have grown up with traditional white Christmases. But what they don't understand is
I lay wide awake in my bed, staring at the ceiling in the darkness and wondering why I had thought that it would be a good idea to drink that double espresso. There was only one reason, really. The guy who sold it to me was extremely cute. So now,
Upon opening the hood it was quickly apparent where the problem lay. The engine oil cap had been left off, and the oil itself had shot up all over the engine, leaving none inside where it was needed. The dipstick confirmed that there was less than
As the world's largest and most influential retail company, Wal-Mart poses some moral dilemmas for the American consumer. Wal-Mart has been accused of mistreating its employees, causing trade deficit with China, and exterminating small local business
I had fuel for my car: thirty gallons of waste vegetable oil and a full tank of diesel; I had fuel for me: A box of Cliff bars, four gallons of water, and a bag of homemade cookies from my grandmother. Freed from the limitations of airline travel,
On the Saturday before my scheduled departure, I agreed to give my sister a ride home. On the way, she requested that we stop at the super market. I still needed a few things for my trip, so I complied. Everybody, upon hearing that I was driving a
Let's take a little trip to the future. The year is 2009 (I said a little trip). Apple has an iPod with a three-hundred gig capacity that fits inside your ear and Reality TV will be but a vague idea of insanity in a new generation's minds. You are
Dad, will you take me to Hartford? I inquired. When? Right now. I bought a car. It was true -- I'd just bought my first car, on eBay no less. I'd been searching for weeks, occasionally bidding, but I didn't expect to actually buy anything.
"Live green, go yellow." totes the new GM slogan about ethanol -- fuel made from corn and other biomass. Oil companies and auto manufacturers, backed by the Bush administration, have pointed to Ethanol as the solution to our nation's energy woes.
A long time ago, written language was not well documented. People would spell things as they saw fit, sometimes spelling the same word differently several times in one document. Then, one glorious day, Thomas Blount made a comprehensive dictionary. N
My neighbor drives a Hummer. He lives on a skinny stretch of land that falls directly between my house and a canyon in the mountains to the north of Los Angeles. Ten years ago his property was wild and overgrown, covered in sumac and yucca plants i
I was at Blockbuster browsing the Comedy section one evening when my friend called from school. Watching the middle schoolers primp and prepare for a dance, she said in low spirits, We're seniors, as though that should mean something extraordinar
The following was an actual college admissions essay sent to Georgia-Tech. The author tried to write an original piece that would seperate him from the other applicants. It started as a way of scaring freshmen. I gave them a wide-eyed look of terro
It was a cloudy and potentially stormy morning, but what did we care? It was a Saturday in the middle of summer, and one of my best friends was home for the weekend from the summer semester at Stanford. And what else is there to do on a Saturday in
You've all probably seen the chain floating around. It's the normal "Send this to x people in y time or you'll have bad luck in love for z years" that we've seen a thousand times before, yet we still continue to forward it to people, generating more
It's February 10, 1993. A great big Park Avenue sedan has broadsided my car on my way home from work. The big SOB; I had just gotten my new ski rack for Christmas, too. So much for recreational downhill skiing. Now, the rack was bent in two, and wort
On my weekends I tend to put myself in precarious situations, most commonly in the close proximity of brutes and alcohol. Unnatural paranoia often leads to my assumption that these monsters will surely stomp me, if not destroy me entirely by some cr
by LisaYak Many people insist that Life is a roller coaster ride, with its ups and downs, hairpin twists and turns but I say it's more like a Ferris Wheel. Getting a good seat on the Wheel, well, that's just a crapshoot. We all start out at the sam
Today's topic: why pretend to be monogamous, even if we aren't? Not just in an angsty, drama-ridden soap opera way, but biologically. We talked about it today in Bio, and it was fascinating. We're not the only species that sneaks around behind its ma
You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you" ?-- Mary Tyler Moore That quote reminds me so much of another lesson I learned years ago: You can't appreciate your blessings if you've never experienced hardship. I don't
We all need a release every once in a while; I'm not talking about stress -- I'm talking about pressure, on the bladder wall to be exact. Yep, I'm talking about urinating. Pissing, whizzing, peeing, tinkling: the euphemisms abound. The place wher
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