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?'s about what to tell son

AH and I are seperated. AH now has a girlfriend. He has been comming and going as he pleases. He also will say that he will keep the kids but then has his parents keep them. There are times when I have no choice but to have them stay there because I have to work the next day. Also if they are there I know they are safe as they don't drink or anything like that. AH has also been telling our son that he is staying with his buddy Jason when he is really with his girlfriend. I agree that our son doesnt need to know that he has a girlfriend. But he also thinks that his dad spends way to much time with this friend. I have also told our son that his dad has been working. He didnt believe it though and said that his dad may work alot but he doesnt work that much. Its so heart wrenching to watch him like this. He is only 6. So my question is how much info should be given to kids? I don't want to lie to him but at the same time he doesnt need to know about girlfriend. The approach I have taken so far is to only give him as much information as I feel he is mature enough to handle. He also knows that his dad drinks to much. Should I try to explain alcoholism to him? I'm fairly certain if I do then AH will claim that I am trying to manipulate him. Thanks.

My first big test

Football season starts tomorrow! I normally spend the day eating, drinking, smoking weed and cigarettes. This season? No booze, no weed, no cigs... 2 weeks drug and drink free. I love the NFL, but I've never watched 9 hours of football (3 games)....SOBER! Has anyone else had a hard time coping during football season?

Constipation

I tried to do a search, but didn't find the answers I was looking for. I quit drinking beer on 9.1.08. I was drinking about 6-9 beers every evening. Every time I quit drinking I develop terrible constipation. This time I tried to do everything right, I exercised, drank lot of fluids and ate a balanced diet. Last night I took 2 PO Dulcolax in desperation and had 14 hours of painful cramping. This resulted in diarrhea, but I still feel blocked. Any thoughts? Thank you in advance.

The untreated 'ism'...

It wasn't until I was a year sober, mostly doing meetings, meetings and more meetings that I realized although not taking that first drink was/is the most important thing I do each day, that simply not drinking was no longer enough. The untreated 'ism' (I, self, me) was still very much alive and well. I listened to a speaker tape the other day where the speaker talked about all the untreated cases of the 'ism' that are in the rooms of AA. My sponsor called and shared with me the other day a good example of the untreated 'ism' in an alcoholic who had remained dry for 8 months, but choose to walk away from AA and not do the work necessary to ensure sobriety, rather than being dry. He received a call late night from this fellow whose girlfriend had just walked out on him, and his solution was to drink and take sleeping pills and drink some more, take some more sleeping pills, and then call someone in AA. Thankfully a local AAer (my sponsor is an over the road driver and was out of state at the time) also got involved, called the police (no one wanted to find the chap dead of an OD the next day), and the guy was taken to the hospital. They did manage to get him up and responding in his home after the police arrived, but better safe than sorry. This was a sad reminder to me to pay very close attention to whether I am actively working on the 'ism' in my recovery, or just sitting at meetings and talking the talk.

Ever have one of THOSE days......

When you got to the very end and you were like WTF was I thinking?!?!?!?!? Image: http://i482.photobucket.com/albums/rr187/junior1957/HUMOR/LACHEN23.gif

day one done

I made it through day one; so far today I feel a little weak and tired, gonna try for a nap this afternoon; I know I won't be able to drink tonight as I have a prior commitment that will keep me from it; I've gotten most of my need to do chores done and have to run an errand for my mom, maybe get a few things done for me too while I'm at it;

Saturday!

Hi Everyone :) Thank you all for such kind words of support, and for sharing such a personal journey with me, and of course everyone here. Well, today is saturday, and it's 9am, and I feel like a rockstar. How many years has that been? I usually crawl out of bed around 12pm, cursing a few times at my husband, my dogs, and lay around all day. Tomorrow will be a week since my .45 BAC ER trip, obviously (or maybe not so obvious) I haven't had a drop of liquor since, nor have I had a craving. I'm sure it'll come, but for now I'm enjoying getting to know myself again, getting back in the gym (spent 1.5 hours on the treadmill the other night just ROCKIN!), and just feeling so clear, so alive. I can't remember who said it on here, I think it was a quote in response to my first thread, but it stuck with me... "No one regrets not drinking". How true, and thank you, whoever said that to me. I'm blabbing, I will try to keep my posts more focused and topical, but for now I'm just so happy, and so excited for even just today. Happy Saturday everyone, and cheers (with my hazelnut coffee of course) to all of your successes. Jess

The Reason I Should Love Life

Not to offend anyone..But it all started with me and it will end with me.. I know now what i am able to do now .When I ask myself a question i can think with a clear head without the fog of life dragging me down too much .. Yes it does drag me down at times but i can control it now .. I have grown so much and why its all because of one thing.. I change in my life yes I took it away, out of the picture and yet it still is always around me.. But the difference.. Do i let it control me or i control it .. I have learned that yes i have all the answers that i need within myself ..Not to sound vain..I don't mean it that way.. I mean when you really need to know a answer.. You can find it within yourself ..Its like when you say to yourself.. I really want to drink and you know deep within yourself you shouldn't ..I have learn to listen to that voice and realize the out come of what could happen and know what would happen.. I look at myself now and I thank god for what happen to me.. For everyone to walk away from me and me trying to kill myself ..Because it has showed me the way to repair myself without the help of another .. But yes with help from god my higher power what ever you want to call him her it .. Things are changing in all good ways ..Yes life can get better but hey in time as they say ..I have my kids back and we are talking even more now .. and the things that are different with that.. Is I'm not trying to control what I cant control anymore ..I can only do my best to help it go right as best as it can and when I say it only takes willpower that's all it had taken me ..I didn't do any meds vit ..nothing I went Thur the pain of it all and to tell you the truth it was worth every bit of pain to get this far .. And if you think you cant do it ..Just keep on saying that and then one day you will wake up to what I did and that was nothing everything was gone or you can just get off your ass and do something about what you know you have is a problem with alcohol.. The time is now find the help you know you need and do this for yourself.. Make your life the best it can be and the problem you have with work family ect ect will get better in time just because you your doing your best with a clear head.. Know that is all up to you ..To make the change for yourself .. No one else..stay strogn and think positive..

Poisoning Our Pride

Peacocks are known for their propensity to eat poisonous plants and berries. It seems like self-destructive behavior when looked at from a short perspective but these birds know intuitively that there are some long term benefits from such a sacrifice. It turns out that the ones who survive this ritual get the benefit of adding rich color to their tail-feathers. Female peacocks also know intuitively that only the strong survive this kind of dangerous and painful ordeal and are then attracted to those with colorful plumage. Weaker peacocks either die after doing this or get so sick that they learn not to do it again. They are the ones with plain colored feathers and are easily identified by others as being weak and inferior. Buddhists have used this curiosity of nature to make an analogy between suffering and growth. They theorize that in the spiritual world there is something equivalent to the peacock’s plumage. The poisons that we humans must consume to get this benefit are adversity and humility. There is also an equivalent ritual among certain Christian sects know as self-mortification. I can see something in 12 step recovery programs that leads me to believe that there is some truth to this wise-tale. When we work the steps we deliberately swallow our pride (like poison) and humble ourselves before others as if we were killing our self-esteem. We sometimes do things that we know will be painful like confess our wrongs to our sponsor or those we have harmed. Does any of this self-mortification make sense in the material world, HELL NO! Some Psychiatrists and Psychologists would even call it masochistic behavior. But in the spiritual realm there are many paradoxes. You have to suffer to get well. You must surrender to win. You have to give it away to keep it.

This is so hard

It only lasted two days and me being the sucker I am picked up the phone last night when XABF called for the hundreth time. My son goes to his dad's on Fridays and I was just sitting here all alone and lonely - and picked up. I'm so mad at myself, I feel so weak. I know that I should just block his number, but I can't bring myself to do that - why? Anyway, he went on and on and on about how much he 'needs' me, he can't get through this without me, things will be different this time, he's going to AA now and *never* wants to drink again - blah, blah, blah. He hasn't drank in 9 days and seems to think that this now changes everything. He's not drinking, he's going to AA, so I should take him back again. I told him that 9 days of not drinking and 5 days of going to AA does not automatically erase all the hurt, pain, lies, cheating and manipulating he has done over the past 4 years. I told him that more importantly him being in my life has hurt my son and that I cannot allow him to do that anymore. Obviously the conversation did not go well. It was just two people butting heads. Him wanting me back at all costs, me telling him no. (Again, *WHY* did I answer the phone???) Here's my big issue. A part of me feels like ok, he's not drinking, he's going to AA, he is actually trying. But another part of me *KNOWS* this will not last. Just from the way he is talking. The selfishness, the 'everything is about him attitude'. I told him last night that I don't think he has any concept of the hell he has put my son and I though and it just amazes me that he thinks 9 days can erase all that. I truly believe he's just 'using' AA as a means to manipulate me and get me back. He's been to AA twice before; the first time he told me he was going to meetings and went to the bar instead. The second time he went for two weeks until he got me back again, then quit going and started drinking again. But, of course, he keeps insisting 'this time is different'. A horrible part of me wants him to go out on his next binge, so I can say yep, I was right, the AA was just another manipulation tactic. Isn't that awful? I feel so guilty for thinking that - for wishing him back into drinking. Has anyone else ever felt that way when their A quit drinking?? I'm still working on my step three, and just trying to give all this up to my HP to give me strenth in helping me to stay away from him so I can heal and help my son to heal. This is all just so hard...

avatar

How do I get me an avatar??? I'm not too good at the extra technical bits on forums!! thanks sas

I need to share Sisters!!!

Especially after reading a couple of threads about people accidentally drinking, people bringing drugs/alcohol around them, etc. I'm sure some of you have read a post or two about the girl I work with, I've suspected that she's using drugs. We have a new girl in the office that has absolutely confirmed it for me. Drug User (DU) has had a stuffed up nose for months that I've been there and New Girl's (NG) dad is a Dr. and told me yesterday at work that DU has been hounding her every day about getting her pills and coke. NG's boyfriend's father is DU's drug dealer.........Oh which by the way, DU is the one that got NG the job there, go figure right? Anyway, NG is over it, she was venting to me and THANK GOD!!!!!!! DU's last day is next Friday. DU invited me to come to her house with everyone else last night "bring your son, you can stay the night if you need to" because she wanted to have everyone over for a get together before she leaves. I said "no thank you!" Before we left work they were all talking about what kind of alcohol they were getting and I'm so glad I didn't go. I DIDN'T NEED TO GO!!!!! THEN........my X-husband comes over last night and brings in a bag of scrip meds he got. He's been suffering from kidney stones for years and so he's got pain meds as well as a benzo. I told HIM "please don't bring that stuff over here." He says to me "you don't do pills, I didn't bring any beer over, LOL!!!!" He knows I'm an alcoholic. I told him "Chris, it doesn't matter, bottom line is I'M AN ADDICT!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I just don't need that stuff around here, no less you bringing in the entire bottle." Anyway, between both of those situations it's made me a mess last night, sleeping because of using dreams and this morning I woke up stressed over it because it was just TOO MUCH!!!!!!!! My point in writing this as well as just getting it off my chest is that IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY to let other people know that I can't be around that stuff and it's also my responsibility to not go hanging around a bunch of people that are going to be drinking and using. Especially since I'm still so new in recovery. I have almost one year that I worked really hard for and I don't need to be around it. The whole thing has really bummed me out and I didn't even do anything wrong? Does anyone GET that?? Do any of you? Thanks for letting me share............ :headbange:abcc::bigcry

Hello

Hello SR people. Not sure if anyone will remember me. Its been a loooong time. But, in light of recent events, I thought it was a good time to come back and update everyone. I had left on rather "not good" terms, sinking myself into depression. I'm actually doing alot better. I have good days and bad days, but I do see the good in life and do take the time to appreciate everyone/everything. A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. I'm doing okay! The whole thing was a real shock. Made me start planning for the future... starting writing a will, was going to basically sell everything I owned so that Jay would have money when he grew up. Was going to move back in with my parents, etc. Ended up that they were wrong. So, after months of tests, treatments, etc. I was told that all the worrying was for nothing. I was mad about that, but today I'm grateful. Jay is doing well. He started Kindergarten last week. Some of you may remember that he was really sick for long time. He's doing so much better. He had surgery to correct his hearing (60% hearing loss for over 2 years). Now, he'll be hopefully getting Speech therapy, OT and PT to help him get through the rest. But otherwise, he's happy and healthy and just perfect. I took off most of the summer to spend time together and we had just a fantastic time! Okay, now to what made me think to come back here today...... Anyone who remembers me knows that Jay's dad, Tim, had a heroine addiction. He had been sober for a long time. He was doing really well. After our year long court battle, we were actually starting to get along. He was paying child support. He was showing up to see Jay. We were actually becoming close friends. About a month or so ago, he had started talking alot about being depressed. And then 2 weeks ago, he'd picked up Jay and then called me and asked if he could bring him back, that he just couldn't do it and he needed to go to a meeting. Then he didn't show up last weekend (the holiday) like he had promised Jay. Called his phone to check on him. Of course, it had been shut off. After a couple of days, I called his fam. They finally called me back at 11pm last night.... his mom. She lied (in true MIL fashion, but I forgive her). Saying that someone had stolen his phone, blah, blah, blah. Then his sister called this morning and spilled the beans. He relapsed. They tracked him down by staking out his apartment ( I remember the days when that was my job). And he willingly went to detox and will be going to a 28 day program. I'm actually not surprised the whole thing happened. Like I said above, I had seen him getting depressed and had just picked up on some things that used to trigger my brain to let me know he was using. What I'm concerned about, is Jay. Tim had been coming regularly for a while now. He had gotten very used to seeing him/being around him. If they weren't having a visit together, I was on the phone with him or Jay was on the phone with him. It's not like when he was 2 and didn't know any better. He's 5, he gets that dad is missing. What do I say? How do I tell him? What do I tell him? So, after my one year absence, I'm back! I've missed you guys. I've checked in from time to time, just to read and still keep in touch with many off of here. But, I want to know how everyone is doing. So, even if you don't have anything to share about my question, please stop in and let me know how things are going! Corine

Are all active alcoholics bums?

As some of you know, my ASO and I have been separated for 6 weeks now and we have a 9 month old daughter together. Ever since we separated, he has rarely seen our daughter and is still driniking actively. He and I have an arrangement that he pays for day care. He helped out with the day care bill one week and has not pitched in since. Of course, we have not seen him since either. Now he is saying that he will give me enough for both weeks of day care that he was not around when he gets paid next week. He is supposedly in recovery since yesterday, yet he still does not have 24 hours of sobriety under his belt. Anyway, I plan to officially file for child support if he does not follow through next week and begins to contribute every week going forward. I can get by without him, too, so sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to go through all the hassle or if I should just move on and accept him for the A/bum he is. However, a part of me thinks that it is only fair that he supports both his children as he does pay child support for his first daughter from a previous marriage already. My A always took advantage of me even when we lived together because I let him do that. Although he is a functional A with a great job, he never paid rent or utilitites during the few years we were living together. He would buy the groceries most of the time and would pay for most of our entertaining bills (restaurants, outings, etc.), but what he spent never came close to what I spent on the house. His spending was always spontaneous. In other words, he could go out and buy something for the house and get a dress and/or a toy for our daughter, but it was only when he felt like it and was in the mood. He was never good with scheduled payments like rent, utilities, car payments, etc. What are your thoughts on that? Have you had similar or different experiences with the A's in your life?

having trouble...

Sorry to bother everyone but i'm having a really difficult time dealing with the pain of withdrawal right now and i was just wondering how much longer this is going to last. I will be a month clean on monday...

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