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Friday the 13, June 2008

Been Very ...... um..... "reflective" lately. About nearly everything. Somtimes, I just don't get it. Well, usually, I just don't get it. I'm far from alone in this, I'm quit sure of that. Probably the oldest and most asked question ever - perhaps with the wording slightly different, but must be.... "Why?" Why are we all here? (not 360land, on Earth) Why are we all here so we can grow old and die - or not grow so old and die? What is it FOR? Or, more commonly I guess the question would be, "What is the meaning of life?" Hey?

I'm not EVEN gonna go any closer to the often volitile subject of religion, 'cuz I know that there are many, many people have many beliefs, and am quite sure that many of those beliefs answer this question for folks. I don't discount or discredit anyone for their beliefs. So, hope I worded that right like I meant it. O.K.

Something I often forget, is that I've been told most of my adult life at least, by doctors, that I've got some "condition" I can't even begin to remember what the name of it is, but is supposed to be fairly common, actually. and often goes practically unnoticed. But it has to do with some missing something or other that increases the need for at least some exposure to the sunlight - a vitamin deficiency of sorts I think, and can only be absorbed through direct sunlight. (Vitamin K perhaps?) Anyway, whatever it is, direct sunlight is the ONLY source of this "nutrient" I guess I'll call it, since I'm so vague, and is something everyone needs to some extent, just that some people are more affected than others when they are lacking in this. (I'm not a member of the medical profession, so that's my very UN-technical explaination of it). It causes a real slow onset of a depression of sorts, and I suppose that the more things in life that are going well, the less it is noticed, the more things that are not going so well, the more it is noticed. But, when things are not going well, for me, at least, I tend to attribute my general... listlessnes(?) to all the things that are really going on around me and happening to me to just that. Why not? And surely a large % of it is.

But I don't think that ANY of my friends either here or on Multiply are actually IN Okieville, where amongst many other unpleasantries, the weather here just plain sux! Is fairly uncommon to see the sun out - at least in full strength for more than a day or 2 at a time, and often if it is, it's accompanied by strong winds, making going outside just not very pleasant - especially if you have allergies to everything it blows around like I do. Oh Gawwwwwwwdddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First blog in a while here on 360, and ramble, ramble, ramble..... sheesh! Well, sorry about that...

Anyway, 'tis true, right now, without elaborating, I do feel like I'm very "trapped" in just about every aspect of my present life. And, I keep telling myself that I need to take charge of my own life, live it the way I choose, rather than just sitting back and letting it happen to me, rather than allowing other people - some I know personally, some I don't but in some way or another, seems like the choices and decisions made by those around me are what is running my life right now. To the point that it sometimes doesn't even feel like a "life", more like an existance, waiting to begin living again. Like am just "Riding on the Storm", not doing anythng to take shelter, or prevent it from doing any more damage than necessary.... just waiting for the "vultures" as I often refer (usually just to myself and my cat do I actually say that) to anyone who seems to be dictating, or trying to dictate one area or another of what is suposed to by MY LIFE!

O.K. I know that this is only happening 'cuz I'm allowing it. But, even knowing that, I just haven't had (well, I have had the incentive) just not the... energy(?) or maybe the willingness to DO the things I need to do to make the changes I need to make in order to take my own exisance BACK and start to LIVE this life on my own terms. I know what I need to do.... several totally different "trouble" areas, so several different things I need to do, some take emotional, mental & physical energy, some take a certain amount of nerve and perparedness for confrontation, and all take a certain amount of effort.

But instead, I've been avoiding most people, avoiding noticing that time continues to roll on and on and all that, and instead have been searching the Internet for "The Meaning of Life". And of course, I'm no closer to that answer than I ever was. Just have a bit more of a broader view of the number of different beliefs and their different versions that are out there.... *sigh*.. Besides, really, it's not absolutely necessary, or even a little bit necessary, that I find this answer right now.... especially when I have "real" and tangeable things that need to be dealt with one way or another much more immediately. And so, of course, I've been knowing this all along......

Then yesteday, I got up and noticed that the sun was out, opened the windows wide, let the fresh air in. Had to go to the store, but took my headphones (I always do that tho) and went waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy the long way around, and only while walking in the sun, did I remember, as is usually the only time I remember, that I actually, physically NEED exposure to the sun. Of course, I was realizing that, as always, when I was also noticing that I was feeling fairly good! Certainly better than I had in quite a while! Although nothng in my life had made any changes for the better. I just felt much better, stronger and like I was ready to start to deal with some of it. So, I got back to this apartment which I still do NOT feel is my "home", but anyway, there was a note from the landlord on the door - which is RARELY a good sign. But this one was... kinda - at least I thought it was... it said that the swimming pool was open! YAY!!!!!!!

I dug out my bathing suit, got a book... A BOOK! I'd not read one of those I don't think since I met the Internet! And the usual stuff to take to the pool - the temperature had even reached above 80 degrees F.! I know, I'm a hot weather person, so normally, would "scofff" at 80 degrees, but for Okie, is close to as warm as it will get - maybe hit 90 for a couple days in July..... maybe. Anyway, I was really feeling quite good for the first time in quite a while and was excited at the idea of going to the pool. Mark was at work, so that made things even more relaxing - not nice but true. But, then I should have known that SOMETHING would get in the way - even of this small pleasure. There was a big sign on the pool gate, said, "POOL CLOSED". WTF!!! Landlady was out there, all appologetic, with some excuse or other about I don't even remember what it was, but that she promised it would be open today & I could come back today and swim. Well, whatever! Anyway, I woke up early for the second day in a row today - quite uncommon for me. Maybe thinking I was gonna go to the pool, which is probably open and probably has been for the last few hours now. But... looking out the window at the usual Okie doom and gloom sunless atmosphere out there..... kinda not in the same mood.

Only thing is, I do need to remind myself that sometimes - especially with so much lack of sunshine as there is here - even if things truly are NOT O.K., sometimes they might not be quite as bad as I get to thinking they are when weeks go by w/o a ray of sunshine. So, maybe I'll get off of here anyway and at least make a move in the right direction - even if it's a small one. BTW, I want anyone who happens to read this, to know that I did NOT write it in order to gain any sort of sympathy, pity or anything of the like. Or that I expect anyone to have any answers...Nor did I write it 'cuz I felt I owed anyone an explaination for not having been on for a while - actually, I already did that anyway.

I only wrote this.... (LOL!) in the hopes that an all expense paid one way trip to the Magical Land Down Under with full guarantee of permanent residency (in an area of course where no one I know from here who I happen to think is a pervert is) and that was mean (but true).....about the pervert I mean... might come out of this.........

Also, the whole bit about the free ride to Aussieland - well, I certainly hope you know I was JUST KIDDING! (Just couldn't resist putting that in for some reason...

I really wrote this, for No One, for No Reason, but for my Own Self in an attempt to get Motivated......and partly that I thought that awful snake story had been there a bit too long.... And, lucky you if you're reading this. I've gtg ... RIGHT NOW! 'Cuz I just looked out the window and it appears that the sun is coming out!!!!!!

[EDIT @ 3:30pm]: Well, went to the pool and guess what? Yup, 'twas CLOSED again! So, I go in the office ask WTF!!! She appologizes again and says that it was open for an hour earlier, but someone found that there were some nails on the bottom. Well shit! I said that I'd take 'em out ffs! But, nooooooooooo!!! Insurance problems, or whatever...THEY have to take them out and THEY don't know when THEY will have time! I have GOT to get out of here for so many reasons already, and every day, another one is aded! GRRRRRRRRR!!!

Hope you are having a gr8 day tho..... :)

Entry for June 06, 2008

Hi Peoples,

This is just a quick note - and I do mean "quick" this time - to say that quite honestly, I've only been to this page twice and very briefly to check for a particular mail in probably somewhere around 2 - 3 weeks. My absense has nothing to do with any of you. As a matter of fact, I'm writing this, 'cuz I came here and see page comments, and many mails from so many of you, and am first very touched that even though I've not replied to anyone - for lack of being on here long enuf to - some of you have continued to show that you care and leave me comments and messages I can't possibly get to at least in the near future.

I don't think I could erxplain if I tried, but I will honestly let you know that things are not O.K. right now. They will be some time, I'm sure, but now, I just am not able to be here. Though, for reasons just an inexplicable, I have been going to Multiply some - although, mostly just to mess around with my page, really.....

So, no worries, I just want to thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, not deleting me when I've not replied, and I WILL be back, just not sure when, so I also wanted to say that while I truly do find it touching - the comments and the mails from you - I also think that it would be fair to say that I would understand totally if you wanted to skip my page for a while - until I'm back on here more - for your own sake of time, effort, etc....

Thanks much for your understanding and for hanging in there....

{{{HUGSSZ!}}}}

~Kathy

Sometimes Just Don't Know What To Make Of Things...

I saw something on the Okie News last night that I found so.. so....DISPICIBLE! So absolutely cruel and demented, and so absolutely unneccessary, I just have trouble understanding how ANYBODY woud even conceive of doing such a thing! It upset and pissed me off sooooooo much, yet, the person who did this will probably never be caught (GRRRRRRRR!!!) and there's not a thing I can possibly do about it, though I sure wish I could... so, Ima gonna write a blog about it.

Entry for May 13, 2008 (cross-posted to Multiply)

NOTE: Extra Hard to Open Blog, Comments worse to open. Anyone considering reading this - clicking the link in my blast might be a lot easier!

To all my Friends - "Official" and otherwise..... I just want to let you know that right now, I'm dealing with a bunch of different problems in my so called "Real Life" that all seemed to have sorta piled up at once.

I'm not telling you this for any sort of sympathy reasons or anything like that. It's just that, well... I really try to get here when I can, mainly because this has been my "escape" from Real Life - as it probably is for some of you as well. Also, I do 'cuz I've made some friends on here that I genuinely care about and I truly miss chatting with, etc.. when it's been several days since I've had a chance to "talk" to anyone here.

Entry for May 11, 2008

Call it what you want...... Or call it nothing at all.....
to me, it's just a really nice philosophy.....

Just My 2 Cents on the Tragedy at the Track (Cross-Posted to Multiply)

I realize that the news of the horrific incident at the Kentucky Derby has already been heard and read by by now by everyone with any sort of media access, nearly non-stop since it happened. I've not checked, but would be very surprised if there are not already thousands of blogs done on it, and certainly by people much more knowledgeable than I am regarding the "other side" of thoroughbred racing, and horses in general. But, since the stories don't stop coming at me, and now my feed in stuck on one of them (will have to do something about that), well, I just had to write something. (Just briefly - really!)

But, I do need to start with somewhat of a disclaimer: I've never had a horse of any kind, certainly not a racehorse and know absolutely nothing about training them, or track conditions, or really anything at all other than that when I was young, I used to ride them on trails and on the beach, and never in any sort of "organized" way - might be close to the word I'm looking for, and certainly never attempted to push them to do anything they didn't want to do. So.... with that said..........

First of all, as many of you know, I love animals, and for the most part, regard them much like small children... as "the innocent". I know this is not always true, but in general, it's how I feel. So, when I first heard what happened to Eight Belles, I was just sickened. I was shocked and horrified and very, very sad. Then, the stories kept coming from every TV channel, my Home Page when I log on to the Internet, my stuck feed here on 360 (GRRR!), every store I've been in since, is all the people around me seem to be talking about, and it just makes me so sad...... and then, suspicious, though I don't really know what exactly of other than in my mainly uninformed opinion, seemed as if GREED must have played a part, that a horse would not have collapsed like that in nature.......

Probably not........

Shit happens for no apparent reason sometimes, so I guess it could be possible. Just, IMO.... in a race that big and involving that much money..... I dunno......................... it lends the opportunity for motive, I guess......

Maybe.......

Anyway, even with my "disclaimer", I'm sure I sound like an idiot. But, since I didn't want to sound like a COMPLETE and TOTAL idiot, I did make myself do a bit of reading - and one thing that I found to be written in many, many places - though I have no way of knowing for sure what is true and what's opinion:

A common thread seemed to be that most racehorces are between the ages of 2 - 4 or 5 years old.

Also, that horses of that age - especially 2 & 3 years old (I think that Eight Belles was 3) are simply not old enough for their bones and muscles to have had a chance to develope fully. And horses not yet fully developed, are just not physically ready for the kind of strain that is put on them in any horse race. And ALSO that the majority of the general public is not aware of this at all.

O.K. the above sentence/paragraph is what I had read from many different places. What follows is just my rambling, I guess.

Anyway, before I did my little bit of research, I was imagining that surely - with so much money at the root of it, someone had fixed the race somehow, which I figure is done all the time, but I guess I had thought more that it was done at the expense of the dummies who bet the odds or whatever, I never really thought that it was done at the expense of the horse. The more the story was in my face, the more convinced I became that a particular "thing" (of which I would have no clue just what it could be) was deliberately done to keep that horse from winning, and started thinking that whomever was behind that ought to be "euthanized" on the spot as well! Hey.... is just how I think sometimes.

But, after I did that bit of reading and learned something that I, as part of the "general public" who is basically clueless about horses, I hate to admit, but is true. I figured that the horse simply being too young could be a reason in and of itself (though if that was the case, the owner never should have put the horse in any race to begin with). But I realized that from what I've heare/read in the media, it could have been anything from an honest freak accident to some sort of tampering/cheating/foul play, to the horse being too young or any number of other things that I've not heard of either. So, I decided not to do a blog on this after all.

BUT..... obviously, I am anyway, so there's probably a more personal reason that compelled me to write it. Well, there is, and if what I read about horses not being physically ready for the demands placed on them be racing at the ages of 2, 3, & 4 maybe even older, well then I feel just awful in a different way. Not that there was a thing I could have done differently to change this, but I remember back about 15 - 16 years ago, when I lived in Spokane, WA. There was about a two year period when I literally just about lived at the racetrack when it was open. I think it had something to do with that the first bet I ever made was a $24.00 trifecta wheel, which hit a longshot and paid a little over $3,000.00. 'Twas the easiest money I ever made! I thought that was just TOO COOL! So, I kept betting, cheering on the horses I'd bet on, and proceeded to lose some of it. But, I still had most of it left. So, since my second home was the card room, where after winning that Trifecta, I switched from blackjack to poker, and for the next two years proceeded to lose everything I'd won that day and much, much more gambling on anything that could be gambled on. My house - the only home I'd actually owned (half of anyway) was up for sale due to a divorce and LUCKILY, it sold when it did, or I'd have lost it.

But O.K., so I gambled for a couple of years and lost a lot of money. But, that's hardly uncommon. I mean, I ended up with $10,000 - my share of the proceeds from selling the house, moved to Las Vegas, and never gambled again. Go figure, but is true. So, no big deal, right? Life went on...

BUT, just today, after reading what I did about the age of the horses - assuming that it is true, I recalled that it seemed as if most of the horses that I was betting on were around 2 or 3 years old, and all that time, I had absolutely NO IDEA that what I was addicted to, and also enjoyed was nearly as CRUEL as ... well, I really don't want to go there right now, but I'll just say that people who run track or whatever for the Olympics, or play football for a riduculous amount of money.... they most likely know the risks and are doing it by choice. But the racehorces have no choice in the "career" that has been chosen for them, which to the best of my knowledge they get nothing out of. I mean, does a horse REALLY CARE if they get paraded around with a bunch of roses on them in front of the people who just made a shitload of money off the horse, or that they are on TV with those roses on them? Maybe a silly hat, too? I think not!

But I wonder, if I ever went to another horse race - any horse race, would that be cruel on my part? Assuming that the information regarding their age is correct, and that the horses being raced were really too young? If I didn't go, the same horses would run in the same races....

I think that unless I find out FOR SURE otherwise, I won't be going to any more horse races.....

There's A Hole In The World...... (Cross-Posted to Multiply)

Entry for April 01, 2008

Hi There People!

Just wondering if anyone really knows just WHY we have such a custom on the 1st of April ie: April Fools Day - by where people tend to basically go around tellling people something - anything, believe that is NOT true, then, if/when the person falls for it, the teller of the fib, or "little while lie" gets to gleefully say, "April Fools!"?

Don't get me wrong, unfortuantely, there are a whole lot of things much higher on my list of priorities at this time than finding out the answer to that particular question. But, since I actually just had some kid call my cell phone, probably a wrong number anyway, since there is only one person who has that number and it wasn't her... actaully call it and say something that I thought had gone obsolete at least about 30 years ago or more. This kid asked me if my refridgerator was running!

I mean, how many of you did that, or had friends who made that exact stupid phone call maybe in grade school? I personally didn't find it particularly funny even when I was a little kid, but honestly, I thought that kids now have much better things to entertain themselves with - like their video games, texting, i-pods, whatever all other new technology is available to them today that ought to take precedence over making a 30 - 40 year old or older prank call. So, since my sister is the only one with the number & she rarely even calls it, I looked at the caller ID thinking maybe it was my 5 year old nephew, although I really couldn't imagine him doing that - especially since he just had his tonsils out. No, it was some strange number, and by the time I put the phone back to my ear, the kid is just laughing hysterically, telling me how I'd better go catch it .. ya, ha ha ha , then follows it up with... "April Fools!" and hangs up. Well, I'm quite sure that he? I guess it was a 'he' had the wrong number and thought that he had just played a really funny trick on someone. Poor kid, someone really ought to bring him up to date on that sort of stuff.

Anyway, while I'm still sitting there shaking my head, it just made me for a moment there, seriously question just wtf IS the reason for this strange custom of "April Fools Day" anyway! I mean, a fool will be a fool on any given day(s). Everyone is capable of doing something foolish at times, but it's certainly not limited the the first day of April.

So, with that silly little incident fresh in my mind, just thought I'd write a silly little blog and see if anyone actually knows (and no, I didn't Google it - probably should have, but then I wouldn't have a blog topic that I could write in a hurry, as I have much stuff to do today).

I get most of the other holidays - that they originated mainly because of religious or political reasons, then evolved more into commercial money makers for the retailers. But, no one AFAIK even makes any profit on April Fools Day... so, anybody have a clue as to why people - not just limited to children either - acutally continue this custom? Really, if you have or plan to Play some sort of Aril Fools Joke on someone today, do know why you did or are planning to?

Just curious.....

Have a great day, whether you're a fool or not (lLOL!)

~Kathy

Entry for April 01, 2008

Just a Pic I happen to like...Not many places left here to put pics...